Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
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I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
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I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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