I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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