Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
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I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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