You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize