How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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