You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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