i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
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on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
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He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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