And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
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Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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