I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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