I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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