i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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