I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
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