you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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