it was like his penis was on wheels.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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