Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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