She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
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Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
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We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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