"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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