Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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