i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
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I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
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It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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