I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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