Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
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That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We have so much sex to catch up on
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Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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