I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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