My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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