I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize