Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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