I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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