FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
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Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
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No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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