i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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