I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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