bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
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This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
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He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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