What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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