Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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