She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
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after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
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it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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