There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize