I must be too annoying 4 u.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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