im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize