I just pynch a tree in the face
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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