How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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