I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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