Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
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i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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