I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
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One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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