i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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