Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him laugh his dick is mine
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize