Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
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I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
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Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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