Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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