when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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