When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize