i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We have started to decorate penises.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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