One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
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I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
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Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I am naked and annoyed.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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