i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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